Monday, December 21, 2015

White House Announcement on LV Strip Crash

Photo: ABC News
In light of Sunday night’s tragic incident on the Strip, where a woman intentionally drove into crowds on the sidewalk, killing one and injuring 30 others, President Obama is set to announce ‘common sense’ car control measures. Josh Earnest, White House Press Secretary said: 
"Local law enforcement and the NTSB are investigating the accident. While it was an intentional act, it was not an act of terrorism. Police are working to identify the buyer of the car, as it is believed the vehicle was purchased online without a DMV background check. 
The president firmly believes that background checks for car buyers is vital to identifying drunk drivers, unlicensed drivers, and those with suspended or revoked driving privileges. Unfortunately, the Republicans in Congress defeated a bill to require all private call sales be facilitated through a local car dealer, who must call the state DMV to confirm license status and history.
The president is working with industry leaders and experts to find technological solutions to prevent these kind of tragedies from re-occurring. Among other things, we’re looking into horsepower restrictions, limited capacity fuel tanks, hybrid and electric only restrictions, safety bumpers, and cars that can automatically detect and avoid pedestrians are also in the works. 
Walk-ability studies to prohibit vehicle traffic in busy city centers and mandating public transportation is at the forefront of our efforts. 
In the future, we hope to implement ‘smart cars’ that self-driving, requiring no input from a human driver at all to get from destination to destination. Together, by implementing car buyer background checks, enhanced training, and limiting the abilities of these cars to do damage, we can end these senseless mass crashes." 
Local Nevada group, Nevadans For Car Safety, are calling for institution of 'car free zones' on sidewalks.

In case you couldn't tell, this was satire. 

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